Feminism Life

FEMINISM: Why do girls slut shame girls?

We know about slut shaming from men to women, but what about when women do it to each other?

By Bridie Chetwin Kelly

Slut shaming. It’s something we typically think men do to women, right? Calling women slappers for wearing short dresses, commenting on the Stuff section with “slut” when a woman expresses the slightest hint of sexuality, men in cars yelling out to women on the street.

But it’s not just the guys who are doing it. Women slut shame other women – a lot.

So I am a 26 year old recently single CIS woman, and I’d describe my sexual preference as fluid. As soon as my ex girlfriend and I broke up she asked, “Are you going to go out and be a slut now?”

Being slut shamed by other girls isn’t new for me. The last time I was single it was the same thing. Other girls called me a slut because I was dating, having sex and kissing whoever I wanted.

It was worse this time. Breaking up with a girl and falling into the old habit of only seeing boys only made things worse. A girl, judging a girl, for not being with a girl.

So when my ex asked whether I was going to be a slut, I’m assuming she meant, are you going to sleep with other people now that you are single? And now that you no longer have a partner that can attend to your most basic human needs? That you enjoy meeting new people, seeing where it goes and exploring my sexuality? Then the answer is yes. I am going to enjoy safe consensual sex.

But that is no reason to be called a whore.

Girls. There is nothing at all shameful or bad about wanting to have sex. It’s good. It’s fun and it’s an itch that needs to be scratched.But it’s almost as if every day as a single woman you have to fight the good war of wanting to enjoy sex. In the lyrical stylings of Lil Kim and Christina Aguilera, “It’s a common double standard of society. The guy gets the glory, the more he can score. While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore.”

It’s confusing right, because sex sells but no one wants to know that you’re actually having the sex. It’s all down to the way there is still an ingrained societal reflex to sex.

We don’t talk about sex openly, we don’t see an orgasm as something that we should be proud to have, and god forbid we don’t brag. Our sexuality is still in the shadows, whispered in group chats with our besties, sneaking out of houses in the early hours of the morning, that hot feeling of shame… And this is the backdrop that lets us slut shame other women.

We should be building a system of support and love for each other. We want to be able to fight the very system that has oppressed all of us. And we can’t do that without actually sticking together and agreeing that girls need to support, not shame, other girls.

Girls who have sex are not less worthy women than those who don’t. And who don’t don’t have sex are not prudes! It’s all different choices for different people. Get over it.

It’s 2018. We’re smart enough not to buy into this stereotypical societal bullshit. We can do whatever we want, sleep with whoever we want and have confidence in our decisions.

Keep up with Bridie here

 

 

 

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